R.I.P Grandpa

I have finally paid for my petty beliefs... This week i lost my grandpa...

He passed away at an age of 80.. he lived a full life in his own terms.. never was he bogged by his age or health... did what he wanted to without anyone's help be it traveling on a pilgrimage or going back to hometown for staying there for a few days because of nostalgia... to hear about him that in his last few days he was sick and suffering was heartbreaking... more heartbreaking was the fact that i heard that after he passed away... i can never forgive myself for not calling him more regularly...

i am still not able to understand where in my life that i became such a cold ba$t@rd.... when i was studying in school i was someone who would find it hard to stay away from home long.... i was always professing to my friends how i will be in touch with them always in my life... how i used to be proud of my school and how attached i was to it... for a couple of years after school i used to visit every time i went for my vacations...

but somewhere down the line i became the cold guy i am right now.... i can go on weeks without talking to my folks... i feel awkward getting in touch with my friends... i would rather sit n rewatch a show for the 15th time than spend a few mins on phone with near and dear ones.... and i used to feel proud about my actions thinking i am being cool and living in the moment....

god gave a me a harsh lesson to show the faults of my ways... the man who was a such a big reason for my mom's family to where it is now, the man who never thought twice before saying anything in his mind, the man who i always thought expected me to do well, the man who always did what he could in his own way to help me succeed in my life, the man who i felt so close to and the man who asked for me and wished me even on his last day when he was talking to my mom could not even get a call from me asking about his health....

i have spent the last 4 days so ashamed about it and been dying to tell someone about my woes.... but like always didn't have anyone around close enough to share the grief.... because of own faults... i have been blessed with some of the best friends one can even dream of... but me living in my moment has taken me so far away from them, that calling them and talking to them even as a thought makes me feel ashamed....

i wish i could turn back time and just say thanks to all their belief and help throughout my life... i wish i can show my gratitude to them in the appropriate manner... i wish i could relive my life and talk to my grandpa just one more time to show how much i respected him.... but that's not possible...

but i can mend my ways.... and hopefully i will be blessed with the strength by the god to do so....
a big sorry to all my friends whom i have hurt... a big sorry to my grandpa for not even caring to give a call to you....

May your soul Rest in Peace... Will always love, respect and think about you.....